Seeking God Again in My Life After Rejecting Him
Thanks for taking the time to read this. I'll continue it brusque. Any advice would exist appreciated.
Two years ago I met a guy randomly in a bar. Nosotros hit it off, went on a few dates and information technology soon became articulate he had fallen for me. At the fourth dimension, I did not feel as strongly and was a chip put off by his obvious feelings and over-the-top attention. I told him this honestly, and afterward disappearing for a while he came back to me last yr and we became friends.
A lot happened to me in that year and he was there for me. A few months ago I realized: I had come to care for him; I respect him and call back he is a groovy person. My eyes opened: all I ever wanted was correct in front of me. I told him this too. He was happy, we tried to date, but information technology stayed awkward and later a calendar month or and then he told me his feelings had not returned. I was completely friend-zoned.
We had no contact for a few weeks and I focused on myself, my life, my work and was doing nifty actually. I was hopeful I had been mistaken about my feelings and we could be friends. And then month ago I met him once more for a concert. Information technology was peachy to just sit side by side to him. The feelings flooded back, stronger and more pure than before.
So now what? It hurts too much to exist friends, and I don't ever want to accept to encounter a girlfriend of his down the line. What I desire to do is tell him one more than time that what I feel is real and ask him to step out of my life if he truly does not feel the aforementioned. I need to protect myself and I don't want to spend years longing for a human being who doesn't want me. I feel I demand to rip off the bandaid and beginning healing properly.
Has anyone been through this? I'd love to hear some other perspectives and/or experiences. Thanks and then much!
I am past no means a professional person, however just an astute "observer of the human scene." My analysis and perspective is as follows and experience free to ignore whatever or all of it. At the stop of the day you have to exercise what feels right.
Firstly, this guy came on strong at first? I likewise am apprehensive when someone is just fashion too into something way likewise soon. Often in that location is a lot of idealization going on, where they have you built upwardly in their head as the 'perfect' person. They are seeking an attachment not a human relationship, which could be a red flag to deeper layers of insecurity and self esteem issues. This process isnt sustainable and unless a deeper bond is formed in the mean fourth dimension, when the inevitable occurs. Which is that they realize you can non live upward to the person that is strictly in their head (no one ever tin can) they're normally disappointed and gone not shortly afterward. That may have been or non exist what was occurring. Nigh emotionally healthy people take it slow and if anything go with the period with pocket-size expectations on yous.
Secondly, kudos for standing up for your feelings and willing to admit to yourself you lot were foolish (forgive that word) in not having given him a chance. Kudos for sharing it with him. And so what did you look? Him to say "oh yes, ive been waiting for this 24-hour interval for the past year, Ive had my life on hold waiting for the moment you finally realized I was here." I may have trivialized it, but the bespeak remains, and to me, seems a little selfish to await much from him at this indicate. When you release your expectations the rejection will sting less.
3rd, its a tricky matter making friends into lovers. You risk loosing the bond and relationship you share with this person as a friendship. If that is a risk you are willing to have to loose this person from your life completely. Keep pushing and that'south more than probable what you will go.
To bring this dorsum to a more supportive and enlightening perspective as this is "tiny buddha" my best communication would be to release your expectations of him and what it is you want from him and want him to practice. He is his own person, he was into yous, and isnt anymore, respect his choice and his right as an individual to make that choice. If you really intendance about him, his happiness and well being should be of import to you lot. If yous dare love him, than putting your needs before his, i.e. wanting him to be with you lot, when he does not wish to pursue this. Isnt actually honey in its purest form. I personally dont understand the "all or zero" line between friends and dating. Where ane infinitesimal you lot tin can share an incredible bond and the side by side are perfect strangers simply because ane party does not wish to deal with the difficult emotions. The kickoff pace of a romantic relationships is first a friendship, then if you arent willing to be a friend to him, be supportive to him, meet with a smile whatsoever new adult female in his life. Than he might be ameliorate off with yous gone.
I hope y'all find the peace it is you lot seek. I take a bad tendency to play devils advocate, so please forgive whatsoever thing Ive said that could exist communicated or received as sentence. It is only my intention to provide a more humbling perspective, as I have learned it is only when we expect in practise we find truth in our circumstances. Its a difficult spot to be in when feelings aren't reciprocated. Yous can not control him, you tin only control yourself, and make up one's mind what of him in your life you're willing to be satisfied with, even if it isnt the way you desire. It all begins and ends within us!
I had a like situation, I dated a homo for a few weeks and thought nigh moving the human relationship forward but he was very hesitant to requite some basic data near himself. I told him that I found that odd and we only did non speak again for a few weeks. I still thought of him fondly but I was non going to waste product my time with someone that could not trust me. Then I had a little emergency at home, information technology was something that I knew he could assistance with and so I texted him for assistance. He responded immediately and was helpful and much more than forthcoming. We began to date once more and and so after a month, nosotros became intimate. He was however guarded a bit merely did disclose some things most himself. He said he had always put work above his family and children, he suffered terrible guilt due to this. He found it difficult to residuum his life, etc. etc. Then a calendar month or so subsequently, the twenty-four hours of our side by side scheduled appointment, he sent me an email maxim he had to terminate things with me, he had decided that he had to exist a more than active parent, his piece of work was suffering, responsibilities were lagging, yous get the thought. I was floored and very upset. Now a few weeks out, I see all the red flags that I had chosen to ignore, for all I know this homo could be married, who knows? Any fantasy ideas I had about him were just that, a fantasy. And then my advice to yous, permit this man become. Let all connexion and expectation simply go. If he is meant to be with y'all then he volition find a mode. Men like to pursue, if y'all chase them, they loose involvement and find yous needy. I am sure he is aware of your feelings. Let him encounter you live well and if he wants you, he will discover a way. Blessings and may you find peace.
I know this feeling to well myself.. Information technology started really adept, I met This girl that I work with on January fifth of this year. information technology started as a very sweetness and simple smile back and along to each other. Me and her would have these piffling friendly talks, about movies and music and all. and then on 1 night a friend of ours, that we both piece of work with had planned a movie nighttime with two other friends. 5 friends total inside of her motorcar. This movie night went really, really well. after it we all went to eat at an IHOP and had conversations about truths behind certain drawing shows. after all this was said and done, she started dropping off our friends, and information technology just ended up being me and her in her motorcar. she asked me a personal question. She asked me if I had a GirlFriend. I said I used to for 11 years. until my mom passed away and my father said to me that my girlfriend had to chose, become rid of her dogs and stay in texas or keep them and motility dorsum to Louisiana. She chose to proceed her dogs. I had told my friend this and the look on her face up was like, I am really sorry to hear that. She and so told me most her past relationship, how she was engaged and about to get married and he ended the engagement and just wanted to stay her friend for now, and simply have it really slow. That she already had a wedding dress and everything. I felt really bad for her as well. this was the first time I opened up to anybody in a long fourth dimension. and we ended upwards being expert friends to each other and everything. nosotros even started talking a bit more than and I felt like I was getting closer and closer to her. She even told me she appreciated everything I said to her and that I had helped her out a lot. now recently I accept asked her if we could just hang out together as friends, and watch some movies together. but she kept changing her mind on me and then she said that me and her would be ameliorate off if nosotros didn't see each other outside of piece of work, since we piece of work together. Her changing her listen on me started getting to me slowly, but not enough to exist noticed. Then i night I asked her if I could get a picture of me and her together on my phone she said yeah, and our friend took the picture with my phone. I ended upwardly getting really scared cause I was offset to have these really strong feelings for her and it scared me to have them, so I ended up doing something to make certain we wouldn't become closer. I lied not but to her but my self as well over a text and a flick I drew. it ended up working to well and she said she strongly disliked me and couldn't exist my friend anymore. Merely I couldn't do that. I couldn't terminate my friendship with her cause she has helped me way more than she knows and that she can't stop me from being like that and that friendship is a two-way street. but it was before this happened when I looked at the motion picture on my phone of me and her, I realized that I accept fallen in love with her. What can I practice to brand her run into, that this guy she is taking information technology slow with is non the correct guy for her. I hateful if information technology wasn't for all the hurt me and her went through , we probably wouldn't have met each other and became such good friends. Life doesn't always work the mode you lot want it likewise.. god makes life work and sees the goodness in everybody and helps them notice what they are looking for in life. And I strongly believe god has meant for me and her to accept establish each other. That me and her should be together. What can I practice to make her see what I see What can I do to go information technology all back, and become her back? Should I tell her how I truly feel about her or what ? I need assistance.
Accept a stride forward, and effort to manage some meeting with that person and by beingness expressive say what you soon feel and wanted to make out on a shine track.
Source: https://tinybuddha.com/topic/i-rejected-him-he-rejected-me-now-my-feelings-are-stronger-than-ever-help/
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